I did a big profile of Jay Glazer for GQ this month, and for the sake of space we had to cut a handful of highly amusing stories from early in Glazer's career. Like this one...
One of Glazer's first jobs in media was an internship at New York sports radio titan WFAN. And one of his duties there included guarding host Mike Francesa's path to the pisser at the 1991 NFL Draft. "He has three minutes. The walk to the bathroom is long, and if people want to stop you and take pictures and all that, you're not going to get back before the break. So I would have to be like, 'No, no, folks. Gotta go the bathroom. He's got to go to the bathroom.'"
Now there's an image for you. I just picture Francesa standing at the urinal alone, talking to his dick: "Okay okay we got three minutes hee-ah befuh I gotta get back and tawk about the Yanks facing Tamper tonight okay so let's get going (falls asleep)."
More extras will run over at GQ.com tomorrow, but here's a sneak peek in the meantime:
- Every conversation with Glazer eventually leads back to MMA. You could ask him about NAFTA treaties and he would find a way to make it about cage fighting. And make no mistake, it's not just an act: I watched Glazer train Ferrara. Glazer could beat most of us senseless. As far as he's concerned, it gives him a bit of physical edge over the NFL guys he trains. "These guys, these monsters are coming to a little five-foot-seven Jewish guy to learn how to be more violent and to push their breaking point. When I train these football players, I tell them all the time, I'm going to put you through some of the worst things you've ever been through. If I think a guy's not going to be able to deal with it and pussy out and all that, it's not worth my time. I love the motivational thing, remaking people and giving them their fucking nuts back. That's what you do—getting their fucking nutsack to drop. I know that camaraderie that most people don't have. No player can say to me, 'Man, you don't know what it's like.' No, I do know what it's like, probably more so than you guys." If Stuart Scott is a jocksniffer, then Glazer is a guy who aspires to have the jocks sniff him.
- Glazer has noted this to Deadspin already, but it's worth repeating: The Spygate tape starts out with the Pats mystery cameraman ogling tits before spying on the other team. When Glazer got the tape, "I jumped up to God and said, 'Thank you, my best friend God almighty in heaven!' The crazy thing is, in the first part of the tape, you're watching, and it's nothing but, like, tits and ass. For a while he's zooming in on the Philadelphia Eagles cheerleaders, or the Jets City dancers. Then, all of a sudden, boom, it clicks over.
Arlen Specter was trying to convince me to give him my copy, because I'm the only one with it. And I said no. And they were telling me that they would give me something bigger. And I said, 'What could you possibly give me?' I knew there was nothing. They're full of shit."
- I was in the Fox control center on Sunday morning, which basically looks like some secret room in the Pentagon where they conduct a terrorist raid from afar by watching 87 monitors at once. There's a sign in the room that has the telecast's three commandments: "1. Assume nothing. 2. Less is more. 3. Be cool." At one point during the live pregame show, there was a moment of dead air and producer Bill Richards screamed, "Guys! That was HORRIBLE! Fuck! You can't get that wrong!" It was intense. "It's like the stock exchange floor," Glazer says. "Like, fucking people just going nuts."
- Glazer on seeing a UFO with Curt Menefee: "We had to drive from Olive Branch, Mississippi, to some casino. Me and Curt. Here's a Jew from New York, and Curt, a black guy—and I swear to you: we saw a UFO. I'm telling you, we saw something. Obviously it's some military thing they're working on, because it was this thing that—it looked like a stealth, but it was hovering. We thought it was the top of a water tower."
- Michael Strahan on his friendship with Glazer: "We always argue and fight and scream. We've been in cars before, and I open the door and get out as he's driving 60 miles per hour down the street. We do get to that point where it's like most people, 99.9% who doesn't know us, they would just go, 'Oh, these guys are gonna fight, I don't know if I really want to get into the middle of this.' And I think we end up laughing at everybody else's reaction."
- Strahan again: "Jay wants to walk in the room and wants you to know that Jay Glazer walks in the room. And there's nothing wrong with that."
- Glazer, on if the NFL would accept a gay player: "What are you asking me for? I think they'd be accepted. And I think [his teammates would] fuck with the guy just like they fuck with everybody else. I couldn't care less about a story. You know why? Not my business." You wouldn't break it? "Oh, yeah, I'd break it in two seconds."
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