Yesterday we shared an adorable letter from a fan of the New Orleans Pelicans, begging the team to give him a chance and a million-dollar contract. Reader Daniel used to work at an adult video company, and dug up a letter from one of the company's biggest fans, begging for a role in porn.
Personal info has been redacted, but Daniel remembers the letter-writer was from the South. (He thinks Arkansas, but isn't 100 percent sure.)
A transcription, mostly sic'd:
Hi, My name is [redacted] I am 26 years old I turn 27 [redacted] (in two months). I saw [redacted] and I really liked it in fast I would like to have autograph picture of all the girls in that video showing every thing tits, pussy all. And I would like to make a video with them and Jenna Jameson and Teanna Kai. I have a very high sex drive. I hear you pay good to plus I love women and tits and pussy (even lesbians) that really turn me on. No other men in it just me. My address is on the envalope please write me and let me know if you will give me a chance. I have 8 inchs and as fat as a toylet paper roll. But you will have to come here like I said. All I want is an oppertunity to be in a video and have fun with the women. Thank you.
P.S. Have them write as sex letter to me
As you might expect, porn companies get stuff like this all the time. Most were just a sentence or two long, Daniel says, but this one was worth saving even after he left the company.
"My friend was the talent coordinator," he says, "and she usually got three to four voicemails per week from random people asking to be in movies, along with a few more who would just make lewd remarks or say we're all going to hell."
Have any good, unsolicited letters to your own workplace, whatever the industry? Send them over.