Jesus Christ, All-Pro

Little Billy was a terror on defense — he had been living in the opponents' backfield all day. But then he took it one step too far. Yes, as you may have guessed from this photo, Billy was penalized 15 yards for "roughing Jesus," an infraction that also carries loss of down, plus possible eternal damnation.

Handsome figurines such as this, available at CatholicShopper.com, got us to thinking about a moment in last night's Buzzsaw-49ers game. After throwing a third-quarter touchdown pass, Buzzsaw quarterback Josh McCown — who was miked — could be seen pointing to the sky and saying: "Thank you God! Thank you Jesus!"

Now, we don't want to start a whole thing here, but when examining our experience with the Buzzsaw, it's kind of difficult to make a case for intelligent design. And if Jesus really did have a hand in Arizona's 31-14 win, one has to wonder what sin the Buzzsaw commit to warrant the 0-3 start? In fact, the franchise last won an NFL title in 1947; has Jesus been pissed at them for the past 58 years? Just wondering. We're not ruling it out.

This is the question which always leaps to most people's minds, of course, whenever an athlete cites the Lord for his or her success. We all continue to find it hard to believe that God really has a stake in the Bengals-Chiefs outcome. But we'll say this; if God really is up there manipulating our sporting events, one thing is for certain — he has a bitchin' media setup, with about 30 high-def TVs and a really awesome satellite dish. Oh, and a bowl next to him that automatically replenishes with Cheetos.

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