Olympic Figure Skating Pairs: Are They Humping?S

The pairs figure skaters performed their final Olympic programs today in Sochi and, as pretty much everyone expected, Russian superstars Tatiana Volosozhar and Maxim Trankov took home the gold. Their teammates, Russia's Ksenia Stolbova and Fedor Klimov, won silver in a surprise upset over Germany's Aliona Savchenko and Robin Szolkowy, who earned the bronze. There was some awesome skating, which you can watch tonight on NBC. But NBC coverage can be painfully limited, to say the least, and we don't trust Scott Hamilton & Co. to give us the important details, such as: Which of these couples are boning?

Skaters can be cagey about their off-ice romances, but there's a long history of pairs couples embarking on epic (and sometimes ill-advised) romances. Take Sergei Grinkov and Ekaterina Gordeeva, the famed Russian pairs skaters and two-time Olympic gold medalists, who had a storied (and ill-fated) romance. There's 2002 Olympic gold medalists David Pelletier and Jamie Salé, who married after skating together for more than a decade. (Now they're divorced.) Even the famed Torvill and Dean, two-time Olympic medalists who denied a relationship for years, recently admitted to having "dabbled" in romance back in the day. And any skating fan worth her feather bangs will have seen The Cutting Edge—a 1992 movie about pairs skaters falling in love—at least 50 times on VHS.

So who are the pairs-skating couples of today? We've burrowed around on the darkest corners of the internet (read: poorly translated Russian websites, skating fan site message boards) to see what we could dig up. Here's intel for 13 pairs, listed in order of Sochi finish.


1. Tatiana Volosozhar & Maxim Trankov, Russia

Are they dating? Unconfirmed, but PROBABLY.

Who cares about a gold medal? What figure skating fans really want to know is, are Tatiana Volosozhar and Maxim Trankov doing it? Back in the day, Volosozhar was allegedly dating her former partner, Stanislav Morosov, who transitioned into the role of her coach (and, it would seem, her ex-boyfriend) when she started skating with Trankov. These two haven't publicly declared a relationship, and according to a Russian article translated very dubiously into English by Google, they enjoy a "platonic love" that includes vacationing together and generally spending most of their free time with one another. But according to skating's megafans (i.e. the message board contingent) their relationship is skating's worst-kept secret. Their many adorable Instagram photos appear to support this thesis.


2. Ksenia Stolbova & Fedor Klimov, Russia

Are they dating? No, or at least, not that we can detect.


Olympic Figure Skating Pairs: Are They Humping?S

3. Aliona Savchenko & Robin Szolkowy, Germany

Are they dating? Nope. These two have been skating together for 10 years, but not, it would appear, as a romantically involved couple. According to International Figure Skating Magazine, Szolkowy has a "longtime girlfriend" whom he plans to marry next summer. Savchenko was also rumored to be in an on-again-off-again relationship with their coach, Ingo Steuer, for some time, but we have no hard evidence of this.


4. Qing Pang & Jian Tong, China

Are they dating? Yup, totally. These two have been skating together for more than 20 years and engaged since 2011. Now that they're officially retiring from the sport, however, they say they'll finally look into planning a wedding.


5. Kirsten Moore-Towers & Dylan Moscovitch, Canada

Are they dating? Dylan's mentioned that Kirsten, over the years, has "become like my sister." So we're guessing no.


6. Vera Bazarova & Yuri Larionov, Russia

Are they dating? Yup, or at least they did date at some point. According to The Golden Skate, Bazarova and Larionov confirmed they were in a relationship in 2010.


7. Meagan Duhamel & Eric Radford, Canada

Are they dating? Duhamel has suggested that at one point she'd dated her former partner, Craig Buntin, but there's no evidence to suggest she's moved onto Radford, with whom she's been skating since 2010. In fact, according to a July 2013 interview, she has a new boyfriend now—someone with whom she plays on a "mixed baseball team" in the spring and summer.


8. Cheng Peng & Hao Zhang, China

Are they dating? Let's hope not! She's 16 and he's either 29 or 32.


9. Marissa Castelli & Simon Shnapir, United States

Are they dating? Not likely. These two have had such a contentious working relationship that they almost broke up as partners a few years ago. Marissa has said outright that they haven't always like each other, and they've hinted at continued tensions within their partnership.


Olympic Figure Skating Pairs: Are They Humping?S

10. Vanessa James & Morgan Ciprès, France

Are they dating? Connais pas.


11. Stefania Berton & Ondrej Hotarek, Italy

Are they dating? Doesn't look like it. Berton got engaged last year to Rockne Brubaker, who also happens to be a pairs skater.


12. Felicia Zhang & Nathan Bartholomay, United States

Are they dating? We have no intel to suggest these two are dating. Know anything?


13. Maylin Wende (née Hausch) & Daniel Wende, Germany

Are they dating? They're more than dating: The Wendes, two-time German national champions, got married last year.


Lucy Madison is a NYC-based writer and reporter. Her work has appeared at the Awl, the Hairpin, Interview, CBS News, and more. You can follow her on Twitter here.