No wonder there's so much violence and mayhem in the world today — all of our best superheroes seem to be goofing off. This classic comic book cover does, however, bring to mind the question we've all been pondering since childhood: can Batman hit the curve? And how long will the Boy Wonder last behind the plate without catcher's gear? We can only hope that the Caped Crusader loaned him the Bat-Cup.
Also, we would have bet money that, in a jump ball situation, Superman would win the tip every time. Apparently not so, however.
Anyway, all of this got us to thinking, who is the best fictional athlete ever? We pondered that for a while, and even put together a small list. (Our mind wanders like that whenever the Spurs and Heat are on TV). The best fictional athletes ever, listed by sport:
Baseball: Josh Exley. In "The X-Files" episode "The Unnatural," an alien masquerades as a minor league baseball player. "What you fail to understand in your joyless myopia, Mulder, is that baseball is the key to life — the Rosetta Stone, if you will. If you just understood baseball better all your other questions ... the aliens, the conspiracies, they would all in their way be answered by the baseball gods."
Basketball: Teen Wolf. Admittedly a player with few weaknesses. But we've been studying him on DVD and we noticed that he tends to leave his feet on defense. So we would suggest the pump-fake, and try to draw the foul. (A full scouting report here.)
Boxing: Ivan Drago. Sylvester Stallone defeated him, but we suspect he threw the fight.
Football: Clark Kent. In the original movie Superman, he recorded a two-mile punt — still a Smallville High school record.
Hockey: Reggie Dunlop. Played by Paul Newman in the movie Slap Shot, of course. We would have picked the Hanson Brothers, but they're real.
Sorry for distracting you with this bit of whimsy — we went a little Page 2 here. And for Christ's sake, Superman, will you get back to work?
World's Finest Comics [I-Mockery]