• Shaq sworn in as cop. Great idea — what could possibly go wrong? [WKYT]
• Bears fined $50,000 each for fight, also must put several quarters in swear jar. [CBS Sportsline]
• Big Hurt heading for Oakland? (That's not a seasonal prediction; we're referring to Frank Thomas). [Chicagoist]
• Soriano says he won't play outfield. Seriously, if you persist he'll just take his ball and go home. [Baseball Musings]
• Barnett ousted at CU in bloodless coup. [Moderate Left]