Though this seems like more of a project for those crazy Maloof brothers in Sacramento, we nevertheless support Mavericks owner Mark Cuban's newest venture: An investment in toilet seat company "The Brondell Swash."
What is the Brondell Swash, you ask? Oh, ye of little shitter expertise. Essentially, the Brondell Swash "combines advanced Swash technology with premium comfort and hygiene feature including remote control operation and a temperature-controlled warm-air dryer for a completely hands-free cleaning experience." It has a heated seat, which makes up for the somewhat disturbing nature of a "hands-free cleaning experience." (You know what? We like the hands. We feel they're important. Just our thing. We're not very European, we know.)
Cuban says the Swash "targets a massive market which has seen little innovation in the last 250 years." You can cleanse the offending area with the use of a remote control. Which sounds like an endless number of frat pranks, just waiting to happen.