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A one-act play, using only displaced quotes from the police report of the citation Spurs guard Tony Parker received after an incident in San Antonio on Christmas Eve with his girlfriend, "Desperate Housewives" "actress" Eva Longoria.

Parker: "This is all the cops do, just mess with people."
Longoria: "He's just a Mexican bike cop. He only wants your autograph."
Parker: (screaming in a verbally abusive and demeaning manner)
Longoria: "Well, fuck you then."

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Longoria, though her publicist, said, "I never made any sort of racial slurs, let alone made any comments about the officer being Mexican, as a Mexican myself."

That may be true, but, man, you should hear the shit Parker says about French people. Every time you turn around, it's "surrender" this, "shave their legs" that.

Longoria Denies Racial Slurs In Cop Confrontation [San Antonio Express-News]