Deadspin is pleased to announce our 2013 Bear of the Year. There were a great many bears to choose, but ultimately our decision was a simple one: Bicycle-Riding Bear Who Ate a Monkey.
Some may think this choice a macabre one, preferring instead a more uplifting bear, like, say, Tetherball Bear or Dumpster Bear. Those people lack a complete understanding of what makes the bear worthy of our adulation.
As much as we fawn over the bear for being precocious and adorable, we must never forget that the bear is a powerful animal, one with awe-inspiring strength and the instinct to kill. The bear, at its heart, is wild, and that is something we should not lose sight of. To ignore this side of the bear is to banish it to the anthropomorphic realms of Winnie the Pooh and Gentle Ben, thus chaining it to an incomplete identity.
We dare not condescend to the bear.
The people who chained Bicycle-Riding Bear Who Ate a Monkey to that bike did not have the proper respect for Bicycle-Riding Bear Who Ate a Monkey's nature. So do not think of Bicycle-Riding Bear Who Ate a Monkey's decision to destroy a monkey as a senseless act of violence, but rather as a reclamation of identity. That poor monkey was not torn limb from limb in vain. He was murdered so that we could all remember what the bear really is: an animal unfit for chains.
We salute you, Bicycle-Riding Bear Who Ate a Monkey. You are the Bear of the Year.