Vincent Tan, Malaysian billionaire and owner of Cardiff City, is the worst owner in sports. He is also a pretty hilarious looking dude. With that in mind, we decided to take a journey with the man through his decidedly up-and-down 2013.
First, an introduction to what makes Tan so odious. There are three archetypes of bad owners: the under-funders who won't spend to help the team, the over-meddlers who think they know the game better than those they've hired to make those decisions, and the lowest sort, the relocators. To his credit, Tan has demonstrated the willingness to put money into the team (but don't spend too much, or you'll get the axe). He is definitely an over-meddler though, and has issued a number of strange decrees for footballing success, like the search for players with birthdates that include the number 8.
His worst sin, however, is his perverse take on relocation. Instead of physically moving the team, his cultural relocation has all but completely stripped Cardiff City F.C. from the very traditions that make the club what it is. In their place, his has imported his own cultural traditions, apparently to appease the id of his 11 year old Malaysian inner child. Despite over 100 years of wearing blue, Tan made the team colors red. You know, for good luck. Despite the long-standing nickname of Bluebirds, Tan changed the club crest to emphasize the dragon, and has even talked about renaming the team The Cardiff City Dragons. He's basically Jerry Jones if Jones had changed the Cowboys logo to a hog and renamed them the Razorbacks.
All that said, what we're really here for is pictures of Tan looking goofy:
Here, Tan shares an awkward hug with his goalkeeper David Marshall on April 13. This was after a win that saw the team into the promotion final. That coat of his is very... red.
Here's Tan celebrating on April 16th. Cardiff won the final! They will be promoted! Maybe red is good luck!
From the same game, Tan mingling with the fans. While he was already controversial for changing the team's colors, the Welshmen in the picture aren't exactly going to snub the guy a handshake after getting promoted to the Premier League, now are they? Spoiler: this fan acknowledgment would not last.
This photo from August 17th is a rare one because Tan isn't in his usual uniform. Really though, all he needs is to remove the jacket, slide on a Cardiff shirt, and tuck that baby in and he'd be set.
From August 25th, still early enough in the Premier League season that Tan's only major concern is whether his hair is smooth. He should have asked Mike.
From September 22nd. The team's slump is mirrored by his posture, though he is still tolerated among the fans. Ah, the good ol' days.
From October 5th. A few trademark Tan-isms here: the belly-button-high belt, the patented rich guy laugh, and the thumbs up.
This textbook rich guy laugh is from December 21st. The rumors of Tan's planned firing of popular manager Malky Mackay have finally turned the fans full on against him, but from his luxury box he appears unperturbed.
Maybe not totally unperturbed, he seems to struggle with his inner pocket here.
From the same day, these sort of demonstrations are more like what Tan can expect moving into the new year. The guy holding the can must be a Deadspin commenter.
Also from December 21st. As you can see, the fans haven't taken too well to the new red Cardiff merchandise.
From Boxing Day, the day before he would finally fire the manager. With another great rich guy guffaw, he shrugs off the haters.
From December 28th. The rare time Tan isn't the most loudly dressed person in frame.
Same game. Like the easiest Where's Waldo picture ever, Tan seeks out the camera to show his happiness after his side scored the opening goal in the first game without Mackay. Cardiff would go on to double the lead before Sunderland salvaged a shock draw in extra time. Blech.
All photos via Getty.