On Sunday, Northwestern, aka the Billy Zabka Finishing School for the Villains of John Hughes Movies, will take the floor against Illinois wearing the disastrous uniform you see above. This basketball uni isn't nearly as bad as the "Wounded Warrior" getup that the school's football team wore earlier this year, but it's still plenty stupid.
You probably noticed all of the words and pictures that are splashed all over the shorts, each one seemingly falling under the theme of "thing that exists." Let's take a closer look:
The NU Facebook page points out the heart-shaped basketball as a reference to coach Chris Collins's "Love the game!" mantra, which is nice. But what's the deal with all this other stuff? There appears to be a grill, a steak, a Nintendo controller, a bunch of Z's, and a refresh button (?). It's an orgy of clip art.
But what's on the other side of the shorts is even funnier:
The Facebook page explains: "CHICAGO SKYLINE: NU is Chicago's Big Ten Team so the skyline was integrated into the uniform to represent the great city they play for."
Right, OK, so the pants are aspirational, as all pants should be. Northwestern, located in Evanston, is "Chicago's Big Ten Team" only in the sense that it is, geographically, the closest. Spiritually, it has no more of a claim on Chicago—a University of Illinois town, even in the lean years—than it does on the Kingdom of Bhutan.
Northwestern is just like that guy you meet who tells you he's from Chicago even though he's from Naperville. Own your city, man.