Live At SBXL: Let Me In!

Deadspin's own A.J. Daulerio is in Detroit, trying to find things to do. He files this report; check out all his reports right here.

It s not that surprising that press credentials for media day are at such a premium, but getting the opportunity to mingle with celebrities at night during parties is just as selective, if not more so. I just want some free booze, for cripes sake; what else did I come here for? It's those bastard PR people that have made all the coverage less interesting so far — and my life extremely complicated. Yes, they do want media coverage of their Super Bowl events, but it must be good coverage. Vapid fashion magazines like Life and Style with limited reach to a sports audience are good; sports sites such as this one are not invited though they'd inevitably get more exposure letting idiots like me into the event. Dumbasses.

This must explain why I have yet to receive my credentials for tonight s Cadillac MVP Dinner, with former Super Bowl MVPs like Roger Staubach, Terry Bradshaw and Steve Young, at my new favorite place, the RenCen. I really wanted to get a piggy back ride from Jim Plunkett. Instead, I ll be heading to the Jimmy Kimmel Green Room "after party" tonight. I can t get tickets to the show, however, because the shows for Jimmy Kimmel are sold out this week. Apparently, Detroit loves its Kimmel. Take that however you want.

I have been deemed worthy of attending some parties, for now ... and I've even grabbed a cellphone number who, while not inherently a "sports personality," is still fun to call. After the jump, the full list of Super Bowl Parties.

The Miami Ink XL

Date: Friday, February 3.
Celebrities invited/attending:
Justin Chambers & Isaiah Washington (from ABC s "Grey s Anatomy"); Terry Crews (from UPN s "Everybody Hates Chris"); Former Heavyweight Champion Lennox Lewis; Outkast s BIG BOI; Detroit rap sensation HUSH; rap artist Obie Trice; Grammy-nominated recording artists GOO GOO DOLLS
Odds of me attending: 2/1
Odds of me interviewing the Goo Goo Dolls: 70/1

Penthouse Super Bowl Party

Date: Saturday, February 4.
Celebrities: Snoop Dogg, Tommy Lee, Penthouse chicks
Odds of me attending: 5/1
Odds of me getting shot: 2/1

Jenna Jameson s Super Bowl Party

Date: Friday, February 3.
Celebrities/Athletes: Jenna jameson, lots of rap stars and former athletes, lots of former heavy metal stars, porn stars, silicone boobs.
Odds of me attending: 10/1
Odds of me seeing Brokeback Mountain at the Main Art Theater with girlfriend and her family in Royal Oak instead: 1/10

Cadillac Celebrity Go Kart Race:

Date: Saturday, 12 p.m.
: Jimmy Kimmel, Adrian Grenier, Sarah Silverman, Jessica fucking Alba
Odds of me attending: 1/1
Odds of me wasting full hour of JVC tape filming Jessica Alba: 1/3

Maxim s Detroit Rock City Party

Date: Saturday, February 4.
Celebrities/Athletes: Oh, everybody.
Odds of me attending: 1/1
Odds of me getting drunk and breaking the JVC: 1:2
Odds of me being sober enough to post the following morning: 32/1

So, that s my itinerary the rest of the week. And some of these PR people are being real nasty pricks about letting me into these events. They know who they are. I realize I m not an important person, but must you make me feel such like a piece of shit for requesting access to your events? Must you? MUST YOU?

Some of their assistants realize this as well, so they re willing to make amends, all in the spirit of the little guy. Alas, we ve found a mole who understands some of our concerns. And they have come through. Here, for all the internet to see, is the newly single hotel heiress Nicky Hilton s cell phone number:

917-929-0223

Live At SBXL: Let Me In!

There you go. Make life more complicated for the pricks of the world.