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Deadspin's own A.J. Daulerio is in Detroit, trying to find things to do. He files this report; check out all his reports right here.

Before I left last night to attend Jimmy Kimmel's green room after-party show, I was instructed that it was "time to let loose a little bit" by some of my, ahem, superiors over there at Gawker Media. I wasn t quite sure if they meant me in this case, or Deadspin, considering drunk Ben Roethlisberger has pretty much taken care of any thoughts that matters were getting stuffy around these parts.

After two days filled with nothing but fleeting hopes of doing something productive or blogworthy during my stay here in Detroit, I finally did something last night which would hopefully satisfy many of my job requirements which were, if I remember correctly, "find some interesting places where athletes and sports journalists will hang out." Then attack them on film and let them beat the crap out of me. Or something. Well, it didn't quite turn out that way.

Last night s Jimmy Kimmel green room after-party was, sadly, kind of lame. It s a shame that I m saying this. It completely proves how jaded I am. I bitch about not being invited to places, and now I m complaining about a place that offered up free top shelf booze, phylo-wrapped appetizers and the chance to see Bobcat Goldthwait in person. What have I become?


However, there are some amusing anecdotes to pass along, plus scintillating pictures of David Alan Grier dancing with a harem of women, a close-up shot of some cake and further explanation of the following short film, after the mighty jump.

Deadspin Video: Bobcat And Company ...

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The after-party was at the Detroit Athletic Club, which I m told is a very haughty-taughty country club in downtown Detroit. "WASP-y" was the word most often thrown around.

However, in the Jimmy Kimmel green room, well-heeled elitism is left behind; the stuffy whiteguy sponsors from Pontiac were having a great time having a group of black women climb all over them. (Apparently, automotive executives are like rock stars in D-town. So we re told.) And David Alan Grier seemed to have no problem getting various, midriff-baring blond women come over and throw themselves at him. (Apparently, David Alan Grier is like a rock star in D-town as well.)

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So, I was optimistic about this evening. After a challenging two days of uneventful blogging, I finally attended an event that has the possibility for something extraordinary to happen. Some of the PR people were getting me excited. I heard rumblings — even though, at 8:35 p.m., the party was a little light on notable guests —- there was a possibility of a second wave of superstar athlete celebrities coming in around 11 p.m., after they left Magic Johnson s event. Yes, yes, I was told — Chad Johnson, Michael Irvin and a few other high-profile stars were said to be stopping by. (Man, do you think Magic s pissed that his career trajectory has left his parties as pop-in stops during Super Bowl week? You can almost see him begging Irvin to call him later as he and C.J. slide out the door.)

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Regardless, I was going to stay put, based on the off-off chance that there were actually some notable sports people arriving. But as time lurched by and the not-so-bustling party began to get thinner and thinner, it was obvious that Wednesday night was not the night to be at the Jimmy Kimmel green room after-party. Maybe it was because everybody was saving their energy for the rest of the week - or maybe it s that, well, these are the only types of parties I can get into because I m completely fucking lame.


However, we did get the opportunity to actually see the Jimmy Kimmel stage set-up at the Gem Theater. (Yeah, I know this is not a huge deal, but, dude, I had to find something to do or else I would ve stood there and gotten bombed on Jimmy Kimmel Live Bacardi Limon Mojitos — which were on the menu — all night. That would be a really shitty post.) I asked several people who seemed like they had something to do with the show if it would be okay to get on stage and take a quick video of me doing a cartwheel, but apparently, ABC has strict legal policies about such activities.

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After that failed experiment, it was back outside to the various levels of the DAC watching the crowd dissipate even more. Pretty soon it was just a couple of us and Bobcat Goldthwait trying to cobble together an interesting thing to get him to say into the JVC. I took a moment to look at Bobcat, dressed in a Russian hat, thinking to myself, "Well, this is ... something." That dawned on me, anyway, as I stood there practically bullying him to "Say something in the Police Academy voice."

Sadly, I have a feeling Bobcat Goldthwait did not read a lot of Jacque Derrida while developing the vocal calisthenics required to perfect the voice of Zed.

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By 10:30 it was pretty much official - there were not going to be any athletes attending the after-party this evening. However, Friday night, there should be a ton of people around because, well, that s when evvvvverybody rolls into D-town. I was told I would be allowed back any night for the rest of the week.

Well, I ll come back - with a salami football, no less - and see if Mr. Kimmel s after party could turn out to be everything you and I - we - would hope.