Introducing Coconut Jones


Hey, look, on "Cold Pizza": It's Coconut Jones! (He may look vaguely familiar to you.)

The newest (and most unexpected) version of our man Clinton Portis' fractured persona spoke to Dana Jacobson this morning (bless her for making sure to refer to him as "Coconut"). What's Coconut's deal? Well, though Jacobson obviously had no idea how to deal with him, we deciphered that he has flown in from Hawaii to serve as Troy Polamalu's "spiritual healer" to help him overcome his sprained ankle.

"Cold Pizza," forever brilliant about the taste of America's sports fans, gave Coconut about 45 seconds of screen time. We love the shells, ourselves.

Clinton Portis Archive [Deadspin]

(Update: A half hour later, he showed up as "Sir Lend-Me-A-Hand" and bit the head off a rubber chicken. We're not sure what that was about.)