Dude, Where's My Olympics?

We shall tread carefully while discussing halfpiper Shaun White and his gold medal last evening, or afternoon, or whenever the hell it was that he actually competed, as opposed to when we saw it on NBC. Winning an Olympic gold medal is as great an athletic honor one can achieve, and we do not want to lessen that by any "Ron from Harry Potter" cracks.

We'd also like to point out that White seems like an extremely cool guy, in spite of his past appearances on "Punk'd" and "Cribs." While discussing his nerves, he admitted to feeling all "Olympic-y," a feeling, having watched this business all weekend, we absolutely understand. One of his qualifying runs, he slipped and explained it away by saying he "wasn't really paying attention." (!) And he even showed off the gold medal at the press conference by saying he hopes it gets him babes. We like him.

But — and we're sorry — we still don't believe halfpiping, or whatever the progressive verb is, is a real Olympic sport. We are not denying the athleticism required to become a master at it, nor the entertainment qualities inherent in watching it on television. It has become our favorite Winter X Game. But that's what it is, and that's all it is. We think it has been added to the Olympics to make sure the Americans win their fair share of medals, putting in an event that we invented and are sure to dominate. (Until the rest of the world catches up with us, like basketball.) We like to win lots of medals. Having snowboarding events makes that more likely. Sorry, that's what we think; snowboarding is an X Game, not an Olympic sport. No disrespect to the Flying Tomato, of course.

X Games Star Lives Up To Expectations In The Halfpipe [LA Times]
Shaun White Hopes To Use Gold Medal To Get Babes [The Best Sports Blog]