It is with much sadness that we report that Grandma Luge, that wacky rappin' menopausin' 52-year-old Olympic athlete*, has withdrawn from the Games because of a broken wrist.
Sources say the break happened during a practice run and during, say, a shower. She is missing the opportunity to compete in her sixth games, though she said, "It's not about the gold. It's about the spirit of it. Oh. We're sorry. That's the wrong elderly withdrawing athlete.
* — We are not certain Grandma Luge does, in fact, rap.