I Bet This Guy's Offensive Line Feels Terrible

In 1982, this individual...

...was the star quarterback in a potential state championship 4A high school football team.
...had a cheerleader girlfriend.
...was on his way to college.
...was carrying a solid 2.3 GPA.

But then he got sacked. And now, this individual...

...was dumped for Chad, the backup QB.
...watched his dog Fluffy die.
...was fired from his job because of the depression stemming from Fluffy's death.
...is homeless.
...wants you to give him a Fleshlight.

He's also requesting a laptop, any form of pornography, marijuana, a Wu Tang Clan tape, a box of Capri Suns, a non-Memorex blank CD-RW, viagra, and a copy of the Richard Marx single "Right Here Waiting For You" to help him mourn the death of Fluffy.

I don't have any idea what to say about this, but I thought it should be brought to your attention.

In need of some help guys [craigslist]