This Marriage Madness Thing, It's Actually Happening. Really

We didn't listen to ESPN's "Mike And Mike In The Morning" this morning, but we're told the whole "Marriage Mania" business is in its finals, which means, sometime soon, two human beings will enter the bonds of holy matrimony while standing next to a sweaty Mike Golic.

Anyway, they're sending out little itineraries for each of the finalists, and we got a hold of one. It's below. The whole thing seems a little loosy-goosy for a live radio program, let along a sacrament, but hey, what do we know?

Mike & Mike want you to know that they will likely be playing a "nearly-wed" game (like newlywed game) with you at either 6:40a and 8:40a or 7:40a and 9:40a (one couple will be featured each hour). They will also be asking you how you plan to "ingratiate yourselves to Mike & Mike" — they want you to find creative ways to sway their votes. Be creative.

When the show is over, we have a quick photo shoot with the ESPN photographer. You will get a tour of ESPN at 11am, we'll have lunch, their maybe some other interviews to conduct and then at 3pm you will be driven to NYC.

Thursday Morning at 6am you'll be able to walk to the ESPN Zone from your hotel. (It's all right there in Times Square). We will announce the winning couple at 7:40am. No idea what the plan is after that, but we are making you available for interviews etc.

We don't exactly have the best relationship with ESPN public relations, as you would probably imagine, but we almost think it's worthwhile, in this case, to put in an interview request. A few potential inquiries:

• "When your fiance approached you with this idea, did you start crying then, or were you able to wait until he was out of the room?
• "You realize that you're getting married on a morning sports radio talk show, right? They did explain this?"
• "Hey, when you were on the Bristol campus yesterday, Gary Miller didn't try to pee on you, did he?
• "So, you guys have a prenup, right? RIGHT?!"

How To Guarantee A Quick Divorce [Deadspin]