For The Record, We Don't Advise This

Last weekend, Chris Berman and the rest of the ESPN crew packed Radio City Music Hall for the NFL Draft. As always, Berman was the star, cracking jokes, chortling loudly and, annoyingly, subtly announcing the picks to the viewing audience before Paul Tagliabue made it to the podium. It is Berman's big day.

And then a 15-year-old boy named Aaron Ghitelman, during a commercial break, approached Boomer, who was signing autographs. Aaron is a reader of our fine site here. You can probably guess what happened next.

So first off, on his way back from the bathroom he signs my autograph. I consider not saying anything but he makes a crack about how I'm wearing a Chad Greenway Iowa jersey and not an NFL jersey. That's lets me know its time to crack a quick joke about "You're with me, leather." Unfortunately I felt the reference was a little too obscure, and i doubted he would know what I was talking about. Then, as he hands back my autograph, I ask him had he ever gone to Deadspin.com. Then he doesn't respond for about 5 to 10 seconds, during which time I turn to some kid next to me to explain the "You're with me, leather" thing, until I turn back to see Berman in an angry tone, but a normal volume, say "Why would i go and do that? [Raises voice dramatically] That is such a stupid question; what are you, stupid? That is so stupid."

And off it goes from there. The full report from young Aaron is after the jump. So it's clear, by the way: Deadspin does not endorse publicly harassing ESPN personalities about amazingly successful pickup lines. But if you do so, we suggest you be 15 years old. They'll feel bad punching you that way.

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So first off, on his way back from the bathroom he signs my autograph. I consider not saying anything but he makes a crack about how I'm wearing a Chad Greenway Iowa jersey and not an NFL jersey. That's lets me know its time to crack a quick joke about "You're with me, leather." Unfortunately I felt the reference was a little too obscure and i doubted he would know what i was talking about. Then As he hands back my autograph I ask him had he ever gone to Deadspin.com. Then he doesn't respond for about 5 to 10 seconds, in which i think he hasn't heard me or has no clue what i'm talking about and i turn to some kid next to me to explain the "You're with me, leather" thing until i turn back to see Berman in an angry tone, but a normal volume say "Why would i ever do that? [Raises voice dramatically] That is such a stupid question; what are you, stupid? That is so stupid, [Now he has about 5 more autographs to sign and starts tailing off acting like he didn't flip out at a 15 year-old. He continued saying the word stupid but just seemed like a real asshole in front of everbody]

I am unsure what to respond, being that he hadn't eaten since the previous commercial break and i know how irritable fat people get when they go around half-an-hour without food. So then This time a little louder and angrier he barks "Do you think, I'm Stupid? What a Stupid question. What are you? Stupid?" I am scared about getting kicked out at this point but stay just to see what happens. He then sees he has to sign about 3 or 4 more autographs and then calms down but still repeats the word stupid, now in the tone of "Rumblin' Bumblin' Stumblin'." Then he finishes signing autographs and a kid says he goes to Berman's alma mater and he stops caring about me. This whole ordeal took about one minute and left about 5 fans who had never heard of your site asking me what happened.

On a side note The Schwab was there and actually was doing his job as ESPN statistician even though he has his own show. He was the only person that close to the stage wearing sweatpants to make it even funnier. The Schwab was incredibly nice and signed a personalized autograph for me. I asked him to sign over the Berman autograph i got and he modestly said, "He's the star of today, i just work for him" He is truly a great guy and is nowhere near as much of a pretentious jerk he seems to be on his show.

To conclude this post, It seems Berman has visited your site.