What’s that, you say? After two consecutive dominant performances at home, the Wizards showed up flat and dazed-looking for a hugely important road game and got their asses kicked through the roofs of their mouths? Why in that case, it must have been literally any time the Wizards have played an important road game after a couple of home wins, ever, ever ever ever.

To the credit of this iteration of the team, the second quarter was well underway before at least one doomed Wizards fan (me) recognized that, no, this was not a matter of steadying themselves, hanging in there, and waiting for a combination of regression to the mean and newfound urgency to spark the run that would bring them back into the game, but rather a vintage “We won two games in a row and figured that meant we were invincible; now watch us play like half-blind circus clowns and lose by 22” Wizards road performance. For a D.C. sports team, this counts as progress. Someday, possibly even before the heat death of the universe, they will win one of these games. Or at least you won’t be able recognize the pattern until the fourth quarter. Someday.

If anybody needs me I’m going to be hitting myself over the head with a hammer until I die. Celtics in six.