The World Cup is ominously close! So that you aren't caught offside (they have that in soccer, … Read more Read more
Your live blogger is John Bolster, sports editor at
Penthouse magazine and an all-around outstanding fellow. After the jump, the live blog begins. Have fun, and feel free to email us any thoughts.
We couldnt have said it better ourselves. Thanks for playing, folks. See you next week for Portugal-Mexico.
Will to Team Penthouse: "Okay, this game RULES!"
Well that's it. As Gary Lineker famously said: football is a game of two halves, of 45 minutes each, at the end of which Germany wins. And Poland is pretty much out of Germany 'O6.
93:00 Poor Boruc. His valiant effort goes for naught: Germany wins, 1-0. Eighty-five years of futility, and counting, for Poland against German soccer.
91:00 So much for "It's just not their day," which is what Balboa just announced: Germany scores! Super-sub Odonkor sends it in for Neuville, who slides and pokes it past Boruc.
90:00 Holy Claudia Schiffer!! Germany hits the crossbar twice, one right after the other! Klose, then Ballack. Amazing sequence. But Poland clears it away.
88:00 We are staring the dreaded nil-nil draw in the face here. That's close to a loss for Poland. But it has been a good game, especially the second half. Borowski just misses from distance for Germany.
87:00 Boruc is making everyone forget about Jerzy Dudek. Neuville offside.
84:00 "Polish women are the hottest women in Europe," says Lalas. "Except for the Italians. And the Spanish. And the Portugese girl from 'Love Actually.'"
80:00 Fantastic weaving run into the box by Lahm, he shoots ... Great save by Boruc! Moments later he does it again, stoning Neuville from eight yards.
78:00 Let's review: Poland has never beaten Germany. Germany has not lost in this stadium in 13 straight games. The top two Polish-born players play for Germany. And now Poland is down to ten men. Good times.
76:00 Red card!! Sobolewski is shown a second yellow—he's gone. Our Man at the Valley: "Good call!" Lalas: "B.S. Homerism!" There you have it.
74:00 Dave O"Brien: "Hard to tell who's louder, the German fans or the Polish fans. What do you think?" I don't know, Dave. This is a little off the path, but how much do you think I can bench press?
70:00 Didnt Poland get crushed by Ecuador? asks Lalas. Poland looking solid. Germany takes off Podolski and adds Oliver Neuville. Lalas predicts a counterattack goal for Poland.
68:00 Another fine play by Odonkor: Excellent cross cleared out by a sliding Poland defender. Jelen taken down going the other way, by Odonkor. Yellow card for the sub.
66:00 Germany substitute Odonkor shows his speed, rounding his defender at the baseline and drawing a corner. Which....comes to nothing. Again.
64:00 Ballack takes a knock. Free kick Germany from 40 yards...headed out! Klose pings the rebound—great save from Boruc!
62:00 Klose and Baszczynski square off after challenging for a 50-50 ball. Then Klose makes nice. Bet Klose can't spell Baszczynski. After typing that twice, he will be known as 'B' from here on out.
60:00 Not much rhythm to the game. Tense atmosphere, but the passes in the final third are lacking.
54:00 Der Kaiser looks like he's choking on a brat, says Marc Schwartzteiger.
51:00 Little technical difficulty. Germany corner lands in the box! Poland clears. Schneider plays it right back in...Klose misses! Our Man at the Valley: "That was Klose! Thanks, I'll be here all the week."
Second half kickoff: Did we mention that both of Germany's strikers were born in Poland? If not, our bad. They were. That's gonna add to the sting of a Poland loss if that's what happens.
Halftime: Germany starting to percolate. We're getting the "Jose +10" commercial. Best part: when the little kid tells Defoe to get in goal. "Hey, Defoe—In goal" And he tosses him the gloves.
46:00 Great dummy by Schweinsteiger frees Lahm on the left wing! He crosses for Podolski...Podolski misses!
46:00 Lalas: Is Ballack even playing. The German captain has donned his invisibility cloak for this one.
44:00 Lalas: There's the Lehmann we know and love—as the big guy spills a corner kick. Luckily for him no Poland striker gets on the end of it.
41:00 Podolski holds the ball well in the box, then lays it off to the Climber of Pigs, who shoots high. Our Man at the Valley has props for Marcelo Balboa: "He's doing well. He's stepped up his game over the last two telecasts."
40:00 Lalas just served up some brats here in the Penthouse lounge. This in no way indicates where our sympathies lie.
39:00 Another free kick denied by a solid Poland backline.
36:00 Quick turn and shot by Podolski. Boruc saves. Frings is out with "a problem with his nose", according to Dave O"brien. Have we heard enough about how bad Dave O'Brien is? No? Okay: Dave O'Brien is to soccer broadcasting what Sammy Hagar was to Van Halen. Scratch that: Dave O'Brien is to soccer broadcasting what Gary Cherone was to Van Halen.
34:00 Nasty challenge from Smolarek on Freidrich. That's gonna leave a mark.
33:00 Yet another German corner, from Schweinsteiger, goes for naught.
31:00 Germany wastes a corner kick. Their set pieces have been lacking tonight.
30:00 Yellow card for Sobolewski gives Germany a free kick in their favorite spot: 35 yards from goal on the wing. Pig-Climber swings it in...Boruc claims it.
28:00 Jelen drives from the left side, shoots a bouncer that Lehmann handles easily. Are you Jelen? (Sorry. That was Lalas.)
26:00 Free kick deflects off a German defender's back, cleared away.
25:00 Poland is hanging tough here. They won two consecutive corners a minute ago, and now they've drawn Frings into a foul at a dangerous spot.
23:00 Lalas wants to know where you get a haircut like Schweintsteiger's. Our Man at the Valley clarifies defintion of Schweinsteiger's name: 'person who climbs on pigs'. Why did they need a phrase for that?
21:00 Great ball into the box by Lahm! Klose on the end of it—just misses tucking in inside the far post! Lalas: Poland might want to mark the leading scorer on Germany's team.
19:00 Nervous moment for German backline as a free kick bounces around the area, finally cleared.
17:00 Friedrich shuts down a Polish attack on the right. Our Man at the Valley asks, Why does O'Brien insist on reading graphics to us? Does he think we're illiterate?
15:00 Poland free kick on the right side of the box: Swung in and blocked short by Lahm.
14:00 Lalas points out that no German team has ever won the World CUp without a mullet in its ranks.
9:00 Klose shoots from the left side, at the six. Nice save by Boruc. Not to be confused with Borat of Kazakhstan.
8:00 Shot of Klinsmann on the bench. Was it us, or did anyone else think he was a little TOO happy after Germany's goals against Costa Rica? It wasn't like they were playing Brazil or anything.
6:00 Schweinsteiger has a shot from distance blocked. According to a German friend of mine, "Schweinsteiger" , loosely translated, means "pig f*****".
That oughta fire up the lads.
Coach Janas told Reuters yesterday, "One day we have to win against the Germans. I hope very much that it will be tomorrow."
Poland has never beaten Germany. Period. In the 85 years they've been playing each other.
Ballack is back for the Germans. Poland is bumming about this development. It gets worse:
So here we go: It's Germany v Poland from Dortmund. Brats versus Kielbasa.
Joining us today in the cubicle—er, I mean shag-carpeted, gold-fixtured swinger's lounge—is Greg Lalas, site director of goal.com. Our Man at the Valley will also be chiming in from an undisclosed, remote location.
Good afternoon, folks. We are coming to you live from Penthouse World Headquarters in the heart of New York City.