In case you haven't heard, Tigers designated hitter Dmitri Young is still evading police after failing to make a court appearance for a charge that he choked his girlfriend at a Detroit hotel. Several sources say he's at a rehab facility, but no one, including his lawyers, seem to know for sure.
It's a prickly situation, which means it's precisely the kind the brilliant minds at The Dugout specialize in. In their fantasy scenario, Dmitri is hanging out with Betty Ford and Dwight Gooden, discussing his woes and some possible treatment ... until a surprise visit from a family friend.
If you needed any more proof that The Dugout is a gift dropped to us from on high, this is it. Boom, bitch!