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The Christmas Day NBA doubleheader is the unofficial kickoff of the NBA season; it's typically the first nationally televised network game, the league's highest-profile moment, its chance to shine.

So what's the big signature game this year, for all our fellow Gentiles to gather round the telly and absorb? It's ... aw, jeez, it's Shaq Vs. Kobe again?

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The logical game, we would think, would be LeBron James and the Cavs against Dwyane ("Duane") Wade and the defending champion Heat, but that would require being aware of a subplot not from five years ago.

The good news is that there's two NFL games that night. No college football game on Christmas this year, though, so nog like crazy, folks.

All I Want For X-Mas [Bench Renaldo]