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"Man's Buttocks Impaled By Horseshoe Stake" is not the sort of headline that you ever want to see. Well, unless you're a gay man, and your given name is "Horseshoe Stake." But I think that's the case for less than 10% of you. Because I don't think I'm capable of putting it into my own words without crying, here's a snippet from the AP article:

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Enjoying a relaxing 54th birthday in the yard, Mike Colwell went to move the sprinkler, backing up momentarily to avoid the spray, toward a horseshoe pit with a 1-inch-thick rusty steel stake.

"My two heels hit the back wall of the pit. The next thing I know, this thing just tore through me," Colwell said.

As he fell on the stake, it pierced into his buttocks, fractured his pelvis, and came within a millimeter of his iliac artery, which carries blood to the body's lower extremities.

Excuse me for one second here.

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH, HOLY CHRIST.

Alright. For any of you out there today who might be partaking in a friendly game of horseshoes, please be careful. Be careful at anything, really. Lawn darts, badminton, poker, whatever you're doing. I'd hate to see this sort of thing happen to you. Or anyone.

Man's Buttocks Impaled By Horseshoe Stake [CBS 3 Philadelphia]