Cultural Oddsmaker: Welcome To The Metadome

AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Let him know what you think of him.

Woo, what a week. So much little fodder ripe for the cultural oddsmaker picking that there was literally too much to choose from. But upcoming weeks should be interesting ones, with all of these sinister little plot lines developing in sports. So, this week, in the spirit of point shaving, I'm throwing my own game and posting odds on my own slate of story ideas that'll be forced to address in the next couple months. For those of you playing at home, please be advised that your own personal wagers are now subject to intense scrutiny from the National Gaming Association.

I'm putting on my Eugene Ionesco costume, middling with Godot and calculating odds on my own column sections for the next month. (I did say that already, yes. But self-referential repetition are the cornerstones of poorly executed satire.)

Put on your black sox and jump.

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Cultural Oddsmaker: Welcome To The Metadome

What kind of skeleton will be running out of Paul LoDuca's closet next?: 3/1

It's getting quite comical with all of this coverage LoDuca's getting in the New York media — his affairs, his gambling debts — and yet he's all "Hey... No Problem!" about any kind of inquiries about the situation. So LoDuca's openness to the press is ultimately going to be his downfall. It's just a matter of time before New York's NBC affiliate puts together a "To Catch a Predator"-style sting outside a Chelsea nightclub in the hopes they spot LoDuca using his Big Ragu charm on an unsuspecting Long Island teenager. Hey ... No Problem!

Cultural Oddsmaker: Welcome To The Metadome

Who is the next former college football star to dress himself in a bulletproof vest carrying an arsenal of weaponry while cruising around with a half bottle of Grey Goose vodka?: 5/1

Yes, it may be too easy to go down this path considering all the derivations on fallouts that have already been addressed in this column. But can you tell me Marcus Vick's not "getting his Goose" on in the weight room as you read this right now?

Cultural Oddsmaker: Welcome To The Metadome

What is Floyd Landis' next move?: 8/1

Landis seems to be the type of guy that has an easy-going attitude about this whole disgracing the Tour de France gaffe; he appears to be taking it in stride. I'm saying Landis knows that his best approach for notoriety at this point is to play dumb about this situation for as long as possible. We'll see him doing endorsements for enterprising whiskey companies, going on Oprah to get finger-wagged by the middle-America housewives and showing up in SNL bits in no time. And I'm saying I know so little about bikes that I won't even touch this.

Cultural Oddsmaker: Welcome To The Metadome

Which stadium will be the next target for a terrorist attack?: 1/1

I may be all Code Red-ed out, but given the diabolical nature of the thwarted airline plot, more jumpiness is inevitable — especially at places where mass murder could be executed so easily. So, after Yankee Stadium gets evacuated 10 times in the next month for an unattended, half-full Volvic water bottle, we'll see how the overreaction meter tips on the rest of the major cities' ballparks. Dodger Stadium? Comerica Park? All possibilities. But don't you think that Dunedin was on high alert last night for a burly, sweat-soaked ESPN personality sporting a fake mustache and dark sunglasses trying to enter the stadium last night with a suitcase full of hair gel and toothpaste?

Cultural Oddsmaker: Welcome To The Metadome

Who will be the first Cleveland Indian ogled by Shin Soo Choo?:

Easy. This man's a sexual deviant waiting to happen. You ever notice how even though he's hitting so well, his teammates still get a little put off when he sidles up to them in the dugout? There's some pretty shady stuff happening in that Cleveland Indians locker room. Wait for Soo Choo to be seen gallivanting around batting practice wearing a "Mrs. Sizemore" t-shirt. Keep your eye out for minor "altercations" in the Indians locker room involving Jason Michaels and Shin. I'm on to you Soo Choo. And don't get me started about Tadano.