Today In The Premiership...

Everton 3-0 Liverpool. Now that is how you embarrass a rival team. The Toffees served up an ass-beating to their neighbors, with Tim Cahill putting Everton on the board in the 23rd minute, and Andrew Johnson finishing Liverpool off with goals in the 35th and the 90th. Everton finds themselves at the top of the table, with 10 points through 4 games. Liverpool has 4 points through the three games.

Arsenal 1-1 Middlesbrough. Did Arsenal hire Isiah Thomas at some point in the off-season? They continue their run towards the lower middle of the table, getting a draw with Middlesbrough today. The Gunners trailed for the entire game, some of it even when Middlesbrough was playing with 10 men, and they need a Thierry Henry penalty kick to save a tie for them. It is now officially Arsenal's worst start to a Premiership season.

Chelsea 2-1 Charlton. And speaking of worst-ever starts to Premiership seasons... Hello, Charlton. Chelsea pushed them around the field in a 2-1 victory that wasn't as close as the score would indicate. It was Ashley Cole's debut, as he started his Chelsea career as a sub. Drogba and Carvalho were your goal scorers, and Frankie Lampard missed a penalty kick in the 84th minute.

• As Mike Cardillo at That's On Point noted, it was a nice day for Americans in the English Premier League. Brian McBride and Carlos Bocanegra scored clutch goals for Fulham in their win over Newcastle. And goalkeeper Brad Friedel stopped not one, but two, penalty kicks for Blackburn against Sheffield. If this keeps up, I'll be really really excited right before we get our asses kicked in the World Cup.

Elsewhere...

Bolton 1-0 Watford
Newcastle 1-2 Fulham
Portsmouth 1-0 Wigan
Sheffield United 0-0 Blackburn
Manchester United 1-0 Tottenham