Cleveland 3, Cincinnati 14. Chad Johnson caught a touchdown pass for the Bengals, and followed it up with... the chicken dance. The era of awesome touchdown celebrations may be officially over. When we're doing dances that are designed for white people to do at weddings, I think we're in trouble. I don't even feel like watching football anymore.

Oakland 3, Baltimore 9. The Ravens sort of dominated for the first twenty minutes of the game, but they couldn't get in the endzone. Then Andrew Walter came in for Aaron Books, and suddenly, the Raiders improved at an incredible pace. Close to halftime, the lead is currently six. That should embarrass the Ravens.

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Lions 0, Bears 24. How's that guarantee working out for you, Roy Williams? Week 2 guarantees are, in general, pretty absurd. Especially when you're the Detroit Lions. I think that's the lesson to be learned here. Rex Grossman, by the way, is 11-of-15 for 174 yards and three touchdowns.

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