As we deal with the sustained brilliance of our comment section — seriously; you guys are absolutely setting the planet on fire this morning. The genius displayed on the T.O. story is out of control — we turn again to the attempted suicide of Terrell Owens. We have a feeling this might be the type of story is ESPN is into; they always avoided him back during those halcyon days when he wasn't trying to kill himself.
The Smoking Gun, being The Smoking Gun, has the official (if brief) police report, and FoxNews says Owens was actually gobbling down the pills, Jellybean like. Owens' publicist Kim Etheridge, who made the initial 9-1-1 call, is now backing down a bit, saying that he was just "groggy," according to the mustached Ed Werder of ESPN. In other words: Owens is going to deny this whole suicide business.
The Dallas police just had a press conference — as much as you can call something that allowed no questions a "press conference" — where they said it was "not a criminal offense" and said they had no idea how the initial report came out. And they had no further information. Dallas police are grouchy and unhelpful, it appears. The Cowboys are holding their own press conference at 2:30 p.m. Be ready for a series of "Next Question"s.