Week In Deadspin: All Terrell, All Carl, All The Time

• Anybody hear any Terrell Owens news this week?
• Good night, completely useless, prohibitively expensive and arrogant mobile phone.
• Heads up!
• That it does, friend, that it does.
• We'll never forget you, Janky Spanky.
• My Lord, there's a beetle in my brain!
• "Thick in the britches."
• Not even Jesus is a match for the Madden Curse.
• Where would we be without the Bengals? Seriously? Where?
• Jason Whitlock is lucky to be alive.
• Hey, everything's cool in New Orleans now. Nice.
• "You're the investigative reporter, Carl: You tell me."

This is one of those weekends when you realize that sports cause nothing from pain: We can just tell.

The Mighty MJD will be around to document it all for you ... and we'll back on Monday, doing our very best not to cry.