We're gonna go have a smoke right now. You want a smoke? You don't smoke, do ya, right? What are ya, one of those fitness freaks, huh? Go fuck yourself.

Marriage is an important part of getting ahead. It lets people know you're not a homo. A married guy seems more stable. People see the ring, they think, "at least somebody can stand the son of a bitch." Ladies see the ring, they know immediately that you must have some cash, and your cock must work.

If you don't wanna be a product of your environment, you want your environment to be a product of you, you're ready to be a Deadspin advertiser. Click here to find out how.

• EA Sports
• Fox Soccer Channel
• American Apparel
• SV Supreme Vodka
• Yahoo