We haven't been watching much of the BET reality show "The Christies," about beleaguered NBAer Doug Christie and his wife Jackie, if just because the dysfunctional Christies relationship stopped interesting us a couple of years ago. (OK: We're also terrified of reality television. We accept that we are helplessly behind the times on this, and that we are wrong, but it's still true, and we apologize.)
But plenty other people are watching it, or at least enough that Jackie Christie, on her official Web site, has posted a list of "haters," presumably those who have not shown her the respect she deserves. The list includes our friends at SLAM Online, Sports Pickle, The Brushback and ... uh ... Bryant Gumbel.
As you would probably suspect, we are disappointed not to have yet been included on the Haters List; perhaps we are omitted because of our dogged insistence on hating the game rather than the player. Therefore, we would like to take this opportunity to attempt to make Jackie Christie's Haters Club.
Ms. Christie, we have not watched your show, not because we are busy — though we are — and not because we are some sort of pseudo-wannabe-intellectual snot — though we are that as well. We have not watched your show because we think it's the type of program that is leading to the downfall of America; in fact, we think it's very likely that you support the terrorists. In fact, we are not yet convinced that you are not, in fact, a terrorist yourself; we have never seen you and Ayman al-Zawahiri together in the same room. We think you hate America, Jackie Christie, and we also believe it's possible that you may have had something to do with the death of Jesus Christ, Martin Luther King and Morton Downey Jr. This is why we do not watch your show; because we think you are a member of Al Queda.
All right then. (Fingers crossed!)