After an exhaustive search of a rather ridiculously impressive cast of candidates — almost everyone who applied was way overqualified for the job, and it killed us not to just hire everybody — we are proud to report that we have selected our intern.

It's a name you're familiar with if you're a regular commenter: It's Rob Iracane, famous around here for his (gulp) Yankees fandom and Jersey roots. He's been an upstanding commenter around here for a while, and he seems to have the temperament and patience required of the job ... if you can even call it a "job."

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So. From this point on, all request for comment access, complaints about other commenters, general inquiries and what-not will be handled by Rob; you can contact him at commentguru@deadspin.com. He'll also be digging through the pending comments section — those people who have posted comments but not seen them published yet — because we're weeks behind on that, and hey, that's why he's here. He is the official comment hall monitor, and all that comes with that.

So, "congratulations," Rob. We hope you're ready for this. After the jump, Rob introduces himself, in his own words.

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Let me put my three strikes right out there: I work in the exciting field of accounting, I live in New Jersey, and I'm a Yankees fan. My only qualification for this internship is that I spend almost as much time as anyone roaming the daily posts and trying to keep up with the sharpest wits. I'm neither a sports blogger nor a very good Deadspin commenter, but I've been around long enough to recognize the Quintessence of Deadspin Commenting.

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It is a rare sports site that values humor over infantile name-calling and smarm over actual sports analysis. We, as commenters, are not writing intelligent sports criticism here, we're not assaulting the rooting interests of others, we're simply building the Comedy Pyramid. And Will is the Pharaoh who has just outsourced the job of Slave Master to the swamplands, so you're stuck with me until you can successfully convince Ra to strike me down with his magical sun powers. I'm really just here to let in new commenters, so once you are accepted, don't worry about being "executed." It will still take an egregious act of bad taste and poor judgment to get yourself banned, Pot-Roast-and-Gravy-style.

— Rob