At last, the pristine and sacred names of Michael Vick and Ron Mexico can be cleared, no longer to be sullied with such filthy innuendo: It turns out that everybody's favorite HSV Type 2 carrier didn't have marijuana with him on a planet last week after all.
ESPN's Chris Mortensen — who must be ecstatic that his career has progressed to the point that he's filing breaking news briefs about whether or not a 26-year-old man had some pot on him — reported yesterday that no marijuana was found in Vick's famous water bottle and that he will be "exonerated on all charges." This begs the question, of course: Why was Vick so damned concerned about giving up the water bottle in the first place? Does he disagree with our nation's policy concerning beverages on planes? Was he just extremely thirsty?
The world might never know, but at least we can breathe easier knowing that Michael Vick has nothing to do with the demon weed. Let's just focus on what's on the field, people; in that regard, Vick is without reproach. Totally.