An Entirely Different Kind Of Monkey Suit

Sorry, ladies of Boston: Your hopes of bedding the youngest GM in baseball history, the man partly responsible for the Red Sox World Championship and one rockin' guitar hero are over. Red Sox GM Theo Epstein went out and got himself secretly married last month.

Epstein, who turned 33 last Dec. 29, has been fiercely protective of his privacy, especially in regard to his engagement to Whitney, 28, who was pursuing graduate studies in health care policy at Harvard four years ago when she became a volunteer at Horizons for Homeless Children, which addresses the needs of homeless children in family shelters throughout the state. Epstein, who proposed to Whitney at Davio's restaurant in the Back Bay last May, did not formally announce his engagement, and chafed at media reports about their pending nuptials.

We love that Boston is so crazy about baseball that the wedding of the Red Sox general manager would require a media blackout. Contrary to early reports, Epstein did not get married at Coney Island in Brooklyn, which is good, because it's freaking freezing here.

Hitch Was In His Plan [Boston Globe]

(UPDATE: Awesome. Turns out, the wedding press release was a hoax by Epstein's father, and the Boston Globe got itself taken. Good work!)