Deconstructing Puppy Bowl III

Normally we would say that we take a back seat to no one when it comes to Puppy Bowl coverage; we love puppies, and even watched a few moments of the Bissell Kitty Halftime Show on Sunday. But we didn't count on Planet Haystack, whose coverage of this event was, well, comprehensive, to say the least.

Look ... it's this simple: Whichever puppy dropped the fleece squirrel into the water bowl at the two-hour mark of PB 3, well ... that puppy should've been flagged, ejected, suspended and fined. The Bowl Cam gave the viewer conclusive evidence that the puppy toy "went for a swim." It was an obvious penalty — and there should be outrage over such a flagrant foul. There's no room in the game for that. The game's growth depends on it.

Planet Haystack is clearly insane (and quite possibly a sentient, typing dog), but that doesn't make its Puppy Bowl coverage any less riveting. Other things we learned on Sunday:

• Puppy Bowl III was played in Silver Spring, Maryland.

• This may have been the best Puppy Bowl of the three to date.

• "That was a foolish coaching move to put all three Samoyeds on the field at the same time. Seriously, did they look like the Selmon Brothers to you? Two of the fluffy Sammies were completely doggin' it near the goalpost, just lyin' by the aformentioned water bowl. It was obvious that one or two or all three would blow an assignment at some point."

• "What sets the Puppy Bowl apart from other dog shows is that appearances by poodles are not allowed. Poodles look good only one way. In the mouth of a Pinscher."

• "When puppies engage in puppy-related hijinks, it's a lot more fun than hGH-consumer Albert Haynesworth stomping on the unhelmeted head of hGH-consumer Andre Gurode."

• The Steelers have had only four starting centers in the past 42 years.

And the winner of Puppy Bowl III? As Planet Haystack says, "You are, America. You are."

MVP of Puppy Bowl III = The Puggle? [Planet Haystack]
Countdown To Puppy Bowl III [Planet Haystack]
Refreshingly Free Of Jim Nantz, It's Puppy Bowl III [Deadspin]
Puppy Bowl III [Animal Planet]