Simply put, we can think of no more embarrassing yet hilarious opening line to a letter than this:
"Dear Editor: I would like to apologize for streaking during the homecoming basketball game (Feb. 2)."
You see, it's one thing to get busted for streaking. It's quite another to be sentenced to write an apology letter in the freakin' town newspaper for it, and then going ahead and writing it. That letter is going to follow you forever, son. We would have just done the time in solitary. Well, it's too late now. We won't reprint the entire thing, instead just concentrating on the highlights.
"I would also like to apologize to the homecoming attendants, specifically Heather Selman, Samantha Casey and the new homecoming queen, Jovonna Clark."
"I would like to ask the community and school district to forgive me and give me a second chance at becoming a positive person toward our society."
"I'd like to apologize to Coach Jones and the basketball team who have worked countless hours preparing for their games."
"There are two questions that I get frequently asked, and those are: "Why did you do it?" and "Was it worth it?" To answer these questions, I did it because I thought it would be a funny little school prank that people would get a good laugh about."
And now to move on to the week's other delicious regret.
• "Sorry I attacked your kid with a flying suplex." — deranged youth wrestling parent.
• "Sorry we cheated by using everything but rocket fuel ... oh wait, we did that too." — Michael Waltrip NASCAR crew.
• "Sorry, everyone." — Dreamworks Pictures.
'Streaker' Apologizes For Recent Incident [Neosho Daily News]