Today in the Premiership...

Manchester United 4-1 Bolton. Cristiano Ronaldo is as magnificent as he is handsome. He spent the day carving up the Bolton defense, setting up goals for Wayne Rooney (who had 2), and Ji-Sung Park (who also had 2). It was a dominating performance, but it didn't come without a price. Gary Neville somehow managed to cripple himself on an innocent-looking collision with Gary Speed.

Chelsea 3-0 Sheffield United. Chelsea managed to keep pace, though, with a dominating win of their own over lowly Sheffield. Andriy Shevchenko managed to earn a little bit of his paycheck this week, scoring the opening goal and assisting on another. They remain six points back of United, with eight games remaining for each.

Middlesbrough 0-2 Manchester City. Congratulations are in order for City, who, for once in this miserable season, managed to come out and not suck giant balls. Maybe they should play every week as if Stuart Pearce's job was on the line, they were just six points clear of the relegation zone, and the opposing side was resting their best players.