Introducing The Comment OmbudsmanS

We are extremely proud to have the most dynamic, electric, SUPER HAPPY FUN OUTSTANDING comment section on this here Internets; you guys provide about 76 percent of our daily entertainment, with the rest filled in by re-reading Andy Rooney books, Cardinals DVDs and listening to old Woody Allen comedy albums.

But it's important to keep matters alive and fresh, so we like to occasionally tweak matters a bit, just a little bolt tightening here or there. Henceforth, we have deputized Comment Czar Rob Iracane — who is the guy who approves and deletes comments around here, and the fellow to whom you should address

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Back when I was introduced as the commenting intern, I championed the concept of the comedy pyramid as the best way to ensure hilarity on a Deadspin post. As commenters, we take the original joke and build it up, layer by layer, until we reach the pinnacle of funny.

Let's look at the John Daly golf post from last week for examples. Will sets us up right away:

Who are we to judge? Perhaps next we'll see Marcus Vick eating a Big Mac in a Rawlings ad.

That's a Josh Beckett hanging curveball right there. Commenter Charles does his best Jim Edmonds impression and lines a double off the wall:

I'd like to see a post-retirement Brett Farve pitch 24-hr prescription refill for Walgreen's without a trace of irony.

Looks easy, right?

And yet commenter Kathleen Turner Overdrive swings and misses like Pat Burrell later in the thread:

I'm pretty sure Couric doesn't have past problems with drug addiction and/or hookers. Unless you're referring to her addiction to televised colonoscopies.

That's amusing enough in context, but what does that have to do with athletes appearing in commercials? Not much. Introducing tangents can be fruitful; following tangents can sometimes lead us into the temptation of Deadspin becoming a chat room.*

Commenter Mackey Sasser's Right Arm has another approach:

Is it really a commercial, since that's how he is every golf tournament?? I once saw the man buy everyone in the Augusta Georgia Hooters beer with a credit card the founders of Hooters had just given him along with a warning of "Don't get too out of hand with this..."

It's relevant, possibly true, and certainly amusing. That's a Jason Giambi home run.

Here are some possible jokes that didn't get made:

  • Barry Bonds applying skin lotion in a Mastercard spot
  • Eddie Griffin hawking Girls Gone Wild videos on late night TV
  • Michael Vick petting a dog in a Nike ad

    Sure, those three ideas were merely base-clogging walks, but Deadspin commenters are smart and funny enough to put me to shame.

    Want to become a commenter? Build the comedy pyramid below, or email me at commentguru@deadspin.com.

    *Deadspin Up! All Night notwithstanding.