Live From Churchill Downs...

I was under the impression that this thing would be run at around 5 p.m. Not the case, as it turns out ... NBC's coverage starts at 5, but they don't start actually beating the horses until around 6. Somehow, I had forgotten that that a 2-minute requires 6 hours of pregame preparation.

But, the good news is that we have been getting sporadic reports from Zach, live at Churchill Downs. Here's some of what he's sent us so far:

So far the only cool thing I've seen is cleavage. Lots and lots of cleavage.

I'm in the grandstand. This place is a Republican's dream—all the white people are in suits and all the black people are employees. As for me, I'm in a khaki suit with cufflinks, double fisting a Bud and a mint julip.

Apparently telling people "I'm going to puke" does not get one to the front of the line for the men's room.

If you stare at seersucker long enough, you'll see a dolphin jumping at you in 3D.

Local news coverage started at 6 a.m. At around 9 a.m. they interviewed folks in the infield who smuggled in a zip lock bag full of grain alcohol. They followed that up with an interview of security guards.

Oh. And OJ is near section 118.

Anyway, right now I am in the University of Louisville's parking lot, in line for the Anytime Portable. Which is overflowing.

The Louisville folks are taking a lot of pride in their Orange Bowl victory. Banners abound. I want to remind them that it was against Wake Forest, but am afraid I'l get locked in the port-a-potty.

The only celeb I saw was Michael MacDonald. But that's probably because Tom Brady was busy nailing The Queen..

Here's to hoping that Street Sense gets through the Preakness without getting into a fatal crash, like that great horse, Dale Earnhardt.

OJ, you say? So there is a chance that a horse will die this afternoon. That's great news.

Anyway, I'm about done with the Derby for the day. I just can't watch this for another hour ... in all the excitement of the year of Barbaro, I had forgotten how boring, inhumane, and silly this whole thing is. If we get more updates from Zach, though, they'll be right here.