They Laugh At Us Because They Fear Us

American soccer is widely mocked around the world, and I had always assumed it was because we weren't very good at it. Not the case, according to this Steven Wells blog entry at Guardian Unlimited. He says the Brits mock us because they fear that we'll eventually beat their limey asses.

Why are we scared? Because as a nation we have a desperate need to feel superior to the vibrant barbarian culture that's replaced us as top global ass-kicker.

Face it, feeling superior to Americans is about all we've got left. But the list of things we actually do better than the Yanks is slim and getting slimmer. Did you know that the bastards even brew decent beer these days?

I assume he's talking about Coors Light, and yes ... Pete Coors is to beer what Landon Donovan is to soccer. I don't think there's any way to dispute that.

Wells also believes that our soccer fans are really sweet people.

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Witness the fact that soccer-playing America is massively liberal, loving, caring, socially conscious and nice. While soccer-hating America consists of increasingly isolated gangs of Bush-supporting, bible-bashing, gun-crazed, dungaree wearing, banjo-playing, quasi-fascist chicken-lovers and their twelve fingered, pin-headed, cyclopic, drooling monster children.

And Jim Rome. Let's not forget Jim Rome.

Americans are soccer-savvy ... and that scares little Englanders [Guardian Unlimited]