Your British Open PreviewS

Hey, one of them "Major" "Championships" is going on in the whole golf world this weekend, the British Open. It's at the Carnoustie Golf Links, which is in Scotland, and as we all know, if it's not Scottish, it's crap.

Tiger Woods has won the last two British Opens, and he's kind of due to win a major. Is he gonna do it? Because we know nothing about golf — except that it's a waste of so much land; sorry — we, as always, have asked Shane Bacon, purveyor of the Dogs That Chase Cars golf blog, to preview the big tournament for us. It's Scotland, so it'll be raining.

After the jump, it's Golf In A Box.

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The day before I stepped foot on the royal links of Carnoustie, I was told by a caddy friend of some intense foreshadowing - "The first 14 holes at Carnoustie are the hardest golf holes you'll ever play, until you get to the last four."

Um, can I get a rain check?

No matter what you hear heading into this week, Carnoustie will never reach 1999 madness, but don't expect a mistress with her chastity belt on the nightstand. The only thing that should worry golfers is that July 19-22 is Mother Nature's time of the month.

Carnoustie is a special place, known for things like Hogan's Alley and Van De Velde's moist feet. It is a place that starts you out on a par-4 directly into the wind and ends you with one hole (17) that I still hope I never have to see the rest of my life, unless by some random fluke I'm leading the British Open by 18 shots.

It is a place that has no natural beauty and a golf shack that reminds you of something you'd see in the middle of St. Francis, Arkansas. It doesn't hold the beauty of Turnberry, the order of Muirfield or the history of St. Andrews, yet it still brings more anticipation than all three of those British Open venues combined. "Will Phil make the cut?" "Can Tiger play a British Open venue in the wind?" "Will the impossibility of Carnoustie bring another random victor like '99?"

The amazing thing is no matter what you say, the tougher the contest the more people it brings into the equation. Think back to those carnival games with the glass milk cartons and the small hoops. If Taryn Mowatt and any random individual were to play those games, who do you think would come out victorious? I'd say that as long as the individual had an arm and two decent eyes, the victor would be by fluke luck.

Now, take a golf course that demands not just precise golf shots, but perfect precise golf shots. Imagine a place that makes you thread the needle with two pieces of yarn. That is where Carnoustie's beauty comes from - the simple fact that the name breeds fear in anyone that has ever hit a 9-iron flush. You can't just play Carnoustie, you have to play Carnoustie.

With that, I'm going with the best. I know it is cheap, but I can't help but pick Tiger Woods. It has been two majors without his name being mentioned, and I believe it is his time to make sure 2007 doesn't fly by without a major title to his credit. Honestly, I am picking him because I don't believe two things will happen - I don't see Tiger going winless in majors this year and I also don't believe he can win at Southern Hills. With that said, it can't be anyone else but Mr. Picasso himself. Like my uncle always said, birdies and bogeys are always too big of words - par is so much simpler.