Oookie Agonistes

Compared to much of the sports blogosphere, we lead a blessedly sheltered life here at Deadspin Nation. Admission is limited. There are standards of discourse during business hours. The worst of the trolls are jettisoned with all haste. But in most of the uncharted wilds of the internets, lawlessness is the rule. I was reminded of this while reading The FanHouse's coverage of Michael Vick's legal woes, and was moved to fashion a poem composed entirely of comments from your friendly neighborhood AOL sports fans. (NB: I swear, I did not make any of these up. Original spelling, grammar, and punctuation have been preserved. All [sic]s implied. Also, a couple of the stanzas rhyme, but that's a total accident.)

This is a blog site- not a cyber-court!
YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID
SING ALONG.
How much is that doggy in the fight pit,
the one with the waggerly tail,

Those of you siding with Vick,
are sick.

I LOVE YOUR SONG!
I DID
SING ALONG!

Ironically, I was talking to a friend
yesterday

VICK SHOULD HAVE FOUGHT CATS,

about the book of Genesis.

HE WOULD BE
IN LESS TROUBLE NOW.

Adam named them and was charged
to protect them. It was the fall
that caused them to prey
on each other
and we
to prey on them.

If the Bible is true,
white people in general are trouble.

MORE PEOPLE LIKE DOGS THAN CATS.
Go tell it to the Khmer Rouge!
You don't hear of any abuse in Guantanamo
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CAT FIGHT?

Excuse me, CHECK........check YOUR reality.

THERE ARE TWO CATS FIGHTING IN MY YARD RIGHT NOW
IF YOU HURRY YOU CAN WATCH IT. BUT HURRY

Mike Vicks freinds were kinda like playing poker,
individual bets,
and that MUST be proven.
I'M GETTING READY TO CALL THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT ON THEM NOW.
I KNOW THEY WILL BRAKE IT UP

apples and oranges there my freind!
kinda like going to vegas,
and nothing more!

OR SEND THEM TO IRAQ
THAT KIND OF FIGHTING IS ALRIGHT YOU KNOW.

Excuse me, CHECK........check YOUR reality.

well, mabe you better close down vegas
on your crusade
to cure the wolrd off personal betting,
and don't forget
to close down the Bingo parlors too...
No poker, not even
penny annie stuff!

CAT FIGHT UPDATE :
THE CAT FIGHT IS NOW OVER -

Let me add,
at Alot of adult parties,
there are drugs,
there are guns
that someone can obtain,
and even stolen car parts might be purchased.....

SORRY YOU DID NOT GET A CHANCE TO SEE IT.

Dog fighting
is not a good thing
but it is life.
if u think it is ok,
get in a ring
and fireality ght to death
with another human animal!

IT WAS WILD - LIKE WILD CATS.

if you wanna make the argument dogs are just animals,
well if you ever took a science class you would know
HUMANS ARE ANIMALS called
Mammels!

And poor Fluffy winds up dying from the wounds
when all it wanted to be
was
your
pet.

I DID NOT EVEN HAVE TO CALL THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT ON THEM.

My fear is that he'll do something else like rapping
In a twinkling of an eye, the whole Country could suffer.

I REMEMBERED THAT I HAD THIS STUFF
CALLED CAT NIP.

Excuse me, CHECK........check YOUR reality.

We're not talking about
rolling through a stop sign
or dropping a candy
wrapped on the ground.
About time all these idiots bo down

SO I RAN OUT THE HOUSE
AS FAST AS LIGHTNING

If anyone should be sympathetic
to underperformers it's
Michael
"Why Didn't You Catch the Ball
I Threw 10 Feet to the Left of You"
Vick.

AND THREW SOME ON BOTH OF THEM.

Plus ultimate fighting is way worst
than someone fighting their dogs
behind the house some where.

IT TOOK A SHORT WHILE BUT THEY SOON BECAME VERY PASSIVE AS IF THEY HAD GOT HIGH OR SOMETHING.

I've never heard of Don King taking babies
and abusing them to the point that they are vicious
so that they will become boxers for them!!

BEFORE I KNEW IT THEY HAD LAID DOWN ON EACH OTHER AND WENT TO SLEEP.

Hopefully President Bush will
make another press conference
and commute any jail time for Vick.
fair is fair.

THIS MADE ME THINK - LOOK HOW YOU CAN FIX THINGS
BUY YOURSELF
AND NOT INVOLVE THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT.

Have you been relegated to life as a bail bondsman?

LISTEN YOU WANNABE SHITHOUSE LAYWER MY GRANDFATHER WAS AT DACHAU

Excuse me, CHECK........check YOUR reality.

I FEEL GOOD KNOWING
THAT I JUST SAVED
TWO CATS LIVES THAT WOULD PROBALLY HAVE BEEN LOST IN IRAQ. YEAH!!!!!!!!

I understand branwashing,
I understand electroshock therapy.
I understand High tech
manipulation
at the state of the art level.

i constantly have that image in my mind
of that tato
on vicks hand
superman.
guess the feds got the kripptinit.

So you go cowboy, but remember
don't ride that horse,
because he might have a sore back,
and
"how would you like it, if someone rode you"

make him do something for the goverment
not go to jail
he's one of the best quater back
for the NFL

They do,
unlike snakes,
have distinct personalities
and
(unlike children)
will always
give you unconditional
love.

-Holly (Magnolia if you're nasty)