We Keep Our Wanka Kits In The Nightstand Drawer

Good news for those of you who haven't been able to track down a replica jersey of the Jacksonville Jerkoffs of the old ABA: the hot new jersey in the U.K. is that of Peruvian soccer club D. Wanka:

Deportivo Wanka has been giving Manchester United a run for its money in the replica kit market, although the Huancayo-based outfit has no idea why more than 1,000 British footie fans might want to sport a Deportivo Wanka shirt. The team is, according to UK tabloid The Sun, named after the Wanka tribe which once occupied Huancayo. A spokeswanka said: "It is very strange. Everyone in Britain seems to think we have a funny name."

Fact: we at KSK very nearly called ourselves the Wanka Tribe before settling on "Gay Mafia." In the end, we felt it was too much like the I Am African campaign — really, it was only a matter of time until we saw a series of ads saying "We are all Wankas." And if Gwyneth Paltrow and Sarah Jessica Parker and fucking Frodo ever get associated with our brand creatively low-brow profanity, then go ahead and scrape my peehole, rape my nostril, and call me Mary. No fucking thank you.

ANYWAY. I understand there are masturbation jokes to be made. Please, commence. That's why we're all here, right?

Postscript: Irrefutable guidance for the average white sports fan — soccer jersey > football jersey > basketball jersey > baseball jersey. Nothing says, "I'm an assclown" like wearing a baseball jersey. Disagree? You're living in denial, pal.

Update: For the horny masses. Sorry if these are repeat boobies. -MMP


We Keep Our Wanka Kits In The Nightstand Drawer