Houston 34, Carolina 21. Matt Schaub had his second straight solid start — man, that's a lot of S's — completing 20-of-28 passes for 227 yards and two touchdowns (both to Andre Johnson). On the other side of the ball, Steve Smith caught 8 passes, compiled 153 yards, scored three TDs and fixed a dishwasher for the Panthers.

Cleveland 51, Cincinnati 45. I'm still a little hazy after this one. Derek Anderson threw for 328 yards and 5 touchdowns, Palmer put up even better stats, Chad Johnson caught two TDs and a beer, Jamal Lewis notched a "quiet" 215 rushing yards ... shakes cobwebs from head. I need to lie down.

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Indianapolis 22, Tennessee 20.The Titans fought hard. I'd like to award them a cheap, red ribbon for "participating."

Tampa Bay 31, New Orleans 14. I could care less who won this: my boy Marques Colston found the end zone twice once. Yes! Cadillac also found paint twice for the Orlando Blooms.

San Francisco 17, St. Louis 16. I told you I liked the Niners in this one. But did you listen? No! You never listen. You just get on that computer like you always do and clickty-clickty-clack until you've completely tuned me out. Well, fuck you! Bah! (Frank Gore rushed for 81 yards and two TDs.)

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Green Bay 35, New York Giants 13. With the Pack leading big near the end of the game, the Giants inserted backup QB Jared Lorenzen for Elisha. Unfortunatey, Lorenzen appeared to hurt his ankle while walking on all that weight.

Jacksonville 13, Atlanta 6. The Falcons missed field goals from 26 and 43-yards. Fuckin' kickers.

Pittsburgh 26, Buffalo 3. No comment.