Ladies And Hooligans, Your Premier League Action ...

Notes from Saturday's games in the Barclays Premier League ...

Arsenal 5-0 Derby — If the Internets are to be believed, this match was over from the beginning. Emmanuel Adebayor (pictured) completed the rare hat-trick to keep Arsenal at the top of the Premier League table. The only positive note for Derby? They didn't allow six goals like they did to Liverpool a few weeks ago. Baby steps, boys. Baby steps.

Liverpool 0-0 Birmingham — Liverpool boss Rafael Benitez left his £26million striker Fernando Torres out of the starting line-up in favor of Ryan Babel. Why? I have no idea. But it was dumb. Babel blew chunks.

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Middlesbrough 2-2 Sunderland — For a tie, this game sounded pretty bad-ass. Sunderland scored 75 seconds in, gave up two goals, and then somehow tied it in the 89th-minute thanks to Liam Miller.

Reading 2-1 Wigan — Redheaded Dave Kitson scored one goal and made another as Reading left it late to finally beat Wigan. The result lifts the Royals out of the bottom three.