Thanks be to Deadspin commenter and resident Obscur-O-Bot Tuffy for sending me this video, a frightening portal into how ESPN's basketball analysts are able to praise baseball movie "Fever Pitch" without knowing who sings "Sweet Caroline." The one you should all be pissed at, however, is Nick Young, for fouling Rajon Rondo in the final few seconds of this quarter. Had he just let him score, ESPN cuts to commercial and these two basketball announcers can take their unresolved issues with each other's taste in movies and knowledge of music off camera.

You Can Stuff Your Sorries In A Sack. Gilbert Arenas guaranteed victory, but the Celtics instead opened up a 37-point second quarter and won 103-83. Now I demand my money back. No, I didn't put up any money on this game, but I was talking about that Thai food that made me sick a few weeks ago. I want my money back. In retrospect it might've been confusing to discuss two separate points in the same paragraph.

Kobe Has Teammates? When you hear the Lakers go to Phoenix and win 119-98, you immediately gravitate toward how many points Kobe Bryant scored. Turns out, just 16. Vladimir Radmanovic actually had more points (19), and five men in all scored in double figures. In fact, 11 Lakers had at least six points. Amare Stoudemire was 2-for-10 from the floor, and even though I didn't watch much of this game, I'm going to go out on a limb and say he had two dunks.

Knick Joke. LeBron James might not have an improved supporting cast, but at least Boobie Gibson perked up for 24 points to complement James' 45 in a close 110-106 win over the New York Pants.

Kobe's Future Team Has Teammates Who Aren't As Good. It may be early, and an 0-2 start means very little in an 82-game season, but the Bulls did lose to the 76ers 96-85 at home. Andre Miller scored 25 and Andrew Iguodala had 22.

Wanna Know David Stern's Phone Number? It's 212-407-8300. Sonics fans are flooding the line with voicemails asking to keep the team in Seattle. Daniel Tosh once said in a comedy bit that after he hits his friends' machine, he hits the pound key and then some random numbers. Says it's like a lottery. Why, I have no idea why I brought this up in a news item about calling David Stern. I guess I'm just a really big Daniel Tosh fan. Yep, that's the only reason.