The NBA Closer is written by our own Canadian weekend maestro J.E. Skeets. When he's not busy scouring the box scores, he can be heard on The Basketball Jones daily podcast. Enjoy!
• Heat Wave, Turn The Heat Around, The Heat Is On ... I can keep going. Dwyane Wade scored 10 of his 31 in the final four minutes as the Heat ended their six-game road trip with a surprising 117-113 win over the Suns. "It's the best win for us this year," Miami coach Pat Riley said. "Hell, it might be our only win this year," he didn't add. Shaq looked especially spry, chipping in 18 points and 11 rebounds, and Dorell Wright had 16 as the Heat put six players in double figures and shot 59 percent. Man, if your team is struggling at all scoring, go play the Suns. They're like fuckin' Drāno for offenses.
• This Is Just A Drill. Josh Smith scored 25 points, grabbed 16 boards and banged nine ladies dancing as the Hawks — CAW! — evened their record to 10-10 with a 98-87 victory over the Magic. Yes, the Atlanta Hawks are playing .500 basketball in mid-December. [Pause for dramatic effect.] At this time I'd like to lead all Deadspinners to the designated safe places in a calm and orderly fashion. Everyone crouch low, head down, and protect the back of your head with your arms. Now!
• Streakin'. First of all, I would like to point out that I watched this entire contest. You owe me a cold beer and/or Guitar Hero III, NBA overlords. Willie Green scored 20 points, Andre Miller had 17 points and 12 assists and the Sixers — in sweet Barkleyesque threads — led by as many as 31 points in a 100-88 victory over the Rockets. Philadelphia has won three straight. Break 'em up or take 'em to an Indy nightclub or something.
• The New York Knicks Are Like A Piece Of Dog Shit. One minute you're happily strolling through the par— actually, let's just leave it at that. The New York Knicks are like a piece of dog shit. Dirk Nowitzki scored a season-high 36 points, leading the Mavericks past the Knicks 99-89. Josh Howard added 22 for Dallas, which shot 54 percent from the floor.