Twas The Night Before The Mitchell Report, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring (LaRussa was soused) ...
• Man, I really hope there's a George Mitchell action figure with "Special Envoy to Northern Ireland kung fu grip" under the Mitchel Report Tree tomorrow. — Hank Scorpio

• Sadly Hank, those were recalled. But the far less popular Mitchell figure that comes with the Senior Fellow and Senior Research Scholar at the Columbia University Center for International Conflict Resolution action playset is still widely available. — Yostal

• I'm gonna try and not derive any pleasure from any name on the list, because I know that every team is going to be implicated. Except for Clemens. The only thing better than seeing him on the list would be if, as his name was announced, he was simultaneously hit by a garbage truck. — Shea Guevera

• Why is this not some sort of pay-per-view event? — Thestarterwife

• Could we consider the Mitchell Report for the next Deadspin Book Club? — Scout

• Since Mitchell is affiliated with us, it's complete bullshit if no Red Sox are on the list. At which point we all call Mitchell blow job. — Fawn Leibowitz

• They should do a video montage, like the one they do for dead actors at the Oscars. — Jefferson Short Bus

• Mitchell Report Fantasy League sleepers: David Ortiz, Ryan Howard, Eric Chavez, Luis Gonzalez, Richard Hidalgo, Bobby Higginson. — Cardinalredoctober

• A Mitchell Report fantasy league? Count me in! I trade my Clemens for your Ortiz and Pujols. — Brazil Thrill

• HOW THE HELL DID MY NAME GET IN THERE? — Lasvegasreb

• Wait, no one is watching World Extreme Cagefightng on Versus? — Penfoe