Mitchell Report Blogdome

It's the day after the Mitchell Report; dad is passed out under the tree, the cat is covered in tinsel, torn wrapping paper is everywhere. Meanwhile, on the Interwebs, reaction crystalizes ...

Die, Baseball, Die. The sport should have been dead for years, and if the Mitchell report surprises anyone, then you, anyone, should be relegated to the salt mines along with people who like Family Guy and those who don't use their turn signals in traffic. OMG, people are suddenly just so much bigger now in like a year! If this shocked anyone after years of stats and norms being established with interminable death-march 162 game seasons...we mean, it would have marked a spurt not just in baseball's evolution, but humanity's. Sammy Sosa should have had Waterworld gills. Mark McGwire should have been telekinetic, and Albert Pujols should have had the ability to levitate (over the border! To Mexico! For illegal steroids!). [Every Day Should Be Saturday]

Roger Goodell Reacts To The Mitchell Report. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! (sighs) (wipes away tears) Oh, God. Oh, God. Can't stop... laughing... Selig... so very dumb... such an amateur... (giggles) (calls Paul Tagliabue) Tags! Tags! Are you watching this?... I know!... That's what I did too!... It's fucking GREAT... Later. (hangs up) Tee hee hee! [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

The List. Is it just me, or is Mo Vaughn the only Red Sox player (sans Brendan Donnelly) on the list? Something stinks up there in Beantown, and this time it's not just the Red Sox. [Thurman Munson Should Be In The Hall Of Fame]

Roger Clemens Got Off Easy. When you line up both Bonds and Clemens, according to the strict letter of the law, neither had ever tested positive for anything at the time these separate instances broke — BALCO and Grimsley's admission. Yet everyone began bashing Bonds incessantly after BALCO, while no one really jumped on Clemens after multiple signs that he too was a user. [100 Percent Injury Rate]

Fun With The Mitchell Report. A search for Barry Bonds in the pages of the Mitchell report has 91 results. Sammy Sosa has 1. BALCO appears 56 times. Bud Selig and Cocksucker has zero results. Circumstantial does not appear. Carolina Panthers results in zero occurrences. David Eckstein is not named. John Kruk and Donuts has zero results. The word Sex appears 3 times. Buttocks appears 5 times. Ass does not appear. Bud Selig appears 52 times. Correction: Ass appears 52 times. Soccer appears once. Bartolo Colon loves cake does not appear. Zorro does not appear. [Bugs And Cranks]

Baseball's Mitchell Report A Platter Of Hearsay And Innuendo. The Mitchell Report has served the American public a platter filled with hearsay and innuendo that tarnishes the reputation of dozens of America's finest athletes and the sport they play for our entertainment. As far as we know, none of the players on Mitchell's list ever failed a drug test. Their alleged "crime" was being on someone else's list as a purchaser of performance-enhancing substances. Did they use those substances? Did it affect their performance? We will never know. [Roger Abrams, The Huffington Post]

The Mitchell Report. I don't know what to think. I don't know what to feel. My head is cloudy. I guess there is good news to be found, if one had to find the silver lining. The good news is that this is finally all out in the open. I also think that there should be another report — we can call it The Milano Report for now, recognizing and celebrating the players of the steroid era that didn't succumb to the pressure of using illegal performance enhancing substances. Please revisit my "Steroid And Botox Era" blog entry for more of my views on this topic. [Touch Em All With Alyssa Milano]

A Dark Day Ends. I guess I just don't really understand smearing a few players rather than not keeping it more general. Especially if the majority of what you learned came from mostly two sources. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel bad for those named in the report. If they cheated, they should be named, but my feeling is that naming so many prominent players just gives the impression that pretty much everyone was doing it but just didn't happen to use the same supplier. [Athletics Nation]

Random Thoughts On The Mitchell Report. One question people have been asking me is, "Why does Congress even give a hoot what baseball does?" The answer, objectively, is that major league baseball is a monopoly that gets an exemption from anti-trust law from Congress. That is to say, Congress allows MLB to continue on as a monopoly as long as they're good girls and boys and keep their noses clean. Essentially, this gives them oversight of baseball. Maybe not to the degree that the police have oversight of your driving habits, but definitely to the extent that your parents did when you were sixteen. Sure, it was legal for you to drive...as long as Dad would let you borrow the car. [UmpBump]