Deadspin
It might seem a skosh ridiculous that Carolina Panthers fans are going balls out on this Jessica Simpson cutout distraction thingy tonight against Tony Romo and the Dallas Cowboys, considering that Terrell Owens has said repeatedly that Simpson really isn't a distraction to the team after all. So the Cowboys should win easily, right?
Maybe not. These head-on-stick-based fan initiatives, if done thoroughly and without an ounce of shame, have a 100 percent rate of working to perfection, according to a sample size of my own personal experiences.
Last season in college basketball, I found a picture of BGSU basketball leading scorer Martin Samarco on Facebook. He was wearing a one-piece swimsuit, a couple of wigs (one on his head, one on his chest), and it was really quite... actually, see for yourself:
I posted that picture a couple of weeks before Bowling Green played a crucial MAC game down in Ohio University. (By crucial I mean, well, I sort of cared about it.) Some plucky OU fans found the picture and distributed color copies to the fans for the game. Going into that game averaging well over 22 points a game, Samarco had perhaps his worst shooting night of the year: 12 points on 4-for-20 shooting.
So based on this disturbingly accurate tunnel-vision, all signs point to a Carolina Panthers victory tonight. Money down.
Getting Ready [Blogging The Boys]
Show Your Romo Love On Saturday [Deadspin]
Comments
Why yes, now that you mention it, I am disappointed that Robbie Keane missed the penalty. It would have been nice to see Arsenal drop some points.
But El Nino had another brace. Cheers all around.
All signs point to a Carolina victory tonight.
Dude, UNC played this afternoon. Wait, you mean people in North Carolina care about pro sports, too?
Perhaps it would be more effective for the Carolina secondary to all wear daisy dukes, blonde wigs, and jerseys that say "Stinky Butt" on the back.
And if they do, I'm glad the game's on NFL Network.
KidCanada: the fuck iz bowlin green
Who's The MAC?
/Ice Cube
@being_sven: Oh, don't spur Suss on.
From an earlier post:
"They call it the steroids social network. It's a good thing the graphic is well done, because I absolutely loathe the term "social network" and the concepts therein. If I cared what your interests were, I would hang out with you and discover them using actual social skills."
From this post:
"Last season in college basketball, I found a picture of BGSU basketball leading scorer Martin Samarco on Facebook."
Loooooceeee, you got some 'splaining to do!
@Brazil Thrill: Looking for porn is not a social activity.
On the Samarco picture: Oscar De La Hoya approves.
Got the Panthers QB for my fantasy Superbowl. Quick, name it...
@DucksOnPondScum: Kerry Collins?
One more thing for Jessica ... if this Tony Romo thing doesn't work out a certain Orenthal James Simpson needs your souvenir cutout masks...
@DucksOnPondScum: Moore, Carr, Testaverde, or Delhomme?
You're fucked any way you go. Although Moore appeared at times as if he recognized that gentleman on his team wearing the #89 jersey last week.
@Herbies_Wingman: Think older, HW
I am just rooting for Romo to suck. And also do badly during the game too.
@Tuffy: It's not? Shit, me and my buddies have been doing it all wrong then.
@Brazil Thrill: Yes, you have. Learn some parochial shame, would you?
And Papa Joe Simpson is loving every minute of this, as his meal ticket returns to the public light.
I expect to see Jessica Simpson wearing one of those NASCAR driver jumpsuits with logos and advertisements all over it tonight.
@Tuffy: What is this "shame" you speak of? You Americans and your crazy made-up words.
@scout: Companies only buy the area right below her cleavage for advertisements. They know potential customers won't look elsewhere, anyway.
Why is he holding a light-saber?
@twoeightnine:
Duh, after the game activity.
Y'all are some kinky fucks down there in the South.
@twoeightnine: The South has fewer Vietnamese Fuck Baskets per capita than any other region in North America, thankyouverymuch.
@twoeightnine: I beg your pardon, sir. Down here no sex is premarital, there are no positions other than missionary, and the donkey is thoroughly washed, groomed, and deloused before any hanky panky.
Kinky, he says... hmph.
@twoeightnine:
Who me??
@She Blinded Me With Violence: +1
@Somewhere Hidden Within The Dark Recesses Of The Mind: Someone call?
Its never a good sign when Brendan Todd Haywood is the 2nd best player on the floor for your basketball team...
Slow night at the DUAN'Spins, eh?
@She Blinded Me With Violence: How does donkey lovin' take place when the only position available is missionary? The logistics of it are mind-boggling.
@being_sven:
Perhaps "Keano" should have backheeled his penalty attempt.
Just curious, but are any of the other 12 people who can actually see the NFL Network watching the pregame?
I made a deal with myself that I would hang with the TV sound until it got mindnumbing... didn't make it past the JessaRomo discussion. Switching to radio simulcast.
I dont know if anyone is getting the comcast Bullets broadcast, but they just compared Kareem Rush to Abdul-jabbar, Roger Mason to Anthony, then went into a couple minutes of Jerry McGuire dialog...
I'm going with UCLA-BYU. The Bruin collapse has been very entertaining this year, plus, it's Nessler, Griese, and Maguire -- there should be some amusing moments.
Cowboys-Panthers sounds more like unintentional comedy.
@hockalees:
Just heard the key to the game is that Romo can get a good grasp on the football with a hurt finger.
@Lisa: What football game? Elf just started on CBS...
"You can change the batteries in the smoke detectors...and you'll have to do it again next year!"
/Cotton-Headed Ninny Muggins
@hockalees: Did the Spurs' defense* just do an exceptionally good job of temporarily succumbing to gravity or does Bendtner moonlight as a Danish high jump champ. Dude got air for a white man.
(* Oxymoron)
Did Elvis just do the player intros, or is this whiskey laced with Absinthe?
@Brazil Thrill: sip, sip pass then, please.
Did Maguire just say UCLA ran to the right when they ran to the left?
@peytonloveskenny: you'll have to forgive him -- he's not in his usual camera perch spot, so all the directions are fucked for him.
@StevePerryPsychOut: Sure thing, as soon as the flying, talking pig is done with it. He's such a hog.
Ah, UCLA's gone to the Highlander under center...
I benched Romo tonight in favor of Horse Balls tomorrow.
Either I'm a genius or a moron
@preciousroy:
Here is a crazy pic showing the air that Niklas got:
[img.thesun.co.uk]
Jeez, it really is quiet here tonight.
@Brazil Thrill: yuk, yuk, yuk
Either I'm a genius or a moron
I've found, during the course of my life, that the two are not mutually exclusive.
@44 in a Row: I've always wished that I was a moron, so that the simplest things in life made me hap...oh, television!
@44 in a Row: my guess is family for the holidays.
Not so fast Cowboys...